Dealing with the comments and the questions
Changing your hairstyle is both exciting and nerve-wracking – whether or not you wear a wig. Will it look nice, will anyone notice, will they like it? What if it doesn’t suit me? These worries and more go through all our minds when we change our hairstyles, but there are a whole load more if you’re a wig wearer.
Have you ever had these thoughts?
Does my new style look natural?
What if it looks ‘wiggy’?
If I go for a radical change, will people I haven’t told realise it’s a wig?
What if someone asks where I got my hair done?
(this one is more of an issue in rural areas like mine where finding a really good hairdresser often means people travelling long distances!)
Now, much of this comes down to whether or not you’re completely open about wearing a wig. In my experience once the initial embarrassed feeling of telling someone you wear a wig is out of the way, it is really easy from then onwards. You can change from short to long overnight and nobody bats an eyelid because they already know you wear a wig. But most of us interact with people every day who don’t know we wear wigs, so you’ll want to think about how to handle any questions and comments.
So, first of all – modern wigs are very natural indeed, and are very unlikely to look ‘wiggy’. Emma wrote a great piece on avoiding some common mistakes, so take a look at that here if you’re worried about keeping things natural.
The comments and questions I’ve had in the past include:
Ooh, your hair looks nice!
Gosh, that’s a brave change (when I went from waist length to a few inches long)
Where did you get your hair done?
So which is your natural colour?
Nobody has ever been crass enough to ask why my hair has got longer, I think people just quietly draw their own conclusions about wigs or extensions in that situation, and confine themselves to complimenting your new look!
So how to handle all of this? Well, I’m a big advocate of taking the opportunity to be open if appropriate. A deep breath and ‘actually it’s my new wig, I’m glad you like it’ is well worth the momentary embarrassment. You might think that’s easy for me to say, as I’m a fairly open, confident person. But in fact until a few months ago nobody at work knew I wore a wig, so it was quite a big deal for me to take the decision to choose a longer style and be open with my colleagues. So on occasions I’ve just said ‘thanks’ with a smile when people compliment my style, for example if it’s just before a team meeting and it doesn’t feel appropriate to open a conversation about wigs. At other times I’ve taken the opportunity to open up.
The only question that I think really puts you on the spot is the ‘where did you get your hair done?’ one. If the moment isn’t right to open up that can be a bit tricky. Over the years I’ve used various get outs, such as conveniently wandering away from a group if the conversation turns to hairdressers, saying ‘oh I had it done in [insert far away location]’, or just pretending I can’t remember. On other occasions I’ve taken the opportunity to say ‘courtesy of the NHS’ or something similar with a twinkle in my eye.
Once I’ve let on that I wear a wig, I often then go on to emphasise the upsides of wearing a wig (see my ‘Upsides of Alopecia’ article for some thoughts on that), as the last thing I want is people feeling sorry for me or to feel embarrassed for prompting my into ‘admitting’ to wearing a wig. If they walk away feeling slightly envious of the freedom I have to choose fabulous hair on a whim, I consider that a win!
What has your experience been?
What’s the trickiest question you’ve been asked and how did you respond?
I’d love to hear your stories!
Love
Lizzie
x x x
I was at a party recently and a friend of a friend asked me where I’d got my hair done.
I replied “It came in the post”.
She laughed then she realized what I meant and said “Oh really I’d never have guessed, it looks lovely, I wish my hair looked like that.
She said that if she’d thought it was a wig then she would never have asked me.
Humour is definitely the best way for me to deal with it.
I wear a hairpiece – I started to earlier this year and have recently bought some more. I think they look very natural and have barely raised a comment. I suspect one or two of my colleagues may have wondered but to be honest it’s none of their business. If anyone said something directly though I think I’d come clean.
I am a teacher and work with teenagers so one thing I know is that if it were noticeable I’d know it!! In fact one actually said to me recently (my hairpiece is in a natural shade, previously I’ve had dyed hair) that she prefers my natural hair. Haha it ain’t natural!
I am generally happy to tell people that I wear a wig but wish I had not told my grandchildren. They are not cruel about it but pass endless comments and constantly touch it or tell me when they think it needs attention. They are very young but I find it upsetting. It does make me more self conscious about wearing a wig than I would have been were it not for their comments and actions..
The medication for a rare autoimmune condition which completely paralysed me and meant a two month hospital stay, has changed my thick, dark, chin length bob into grey stubble, wisps and bald patches. I came home at Christmas thankful to be alive but completely demoralised and embarrassed. I agonised for weeks about wearing a wig but because my face is red and puffy, felt it wasn’t worth the effort, as I wouldn’t look like I used to anyway. My son in law arranged a surprise party for my daughter and after initially not wanting to go, looking as I did, I eventually plucked up the courage and ordered a wig the same colour and style as before I became ill but didn’t try it on for three days because I was so nervous about how wiggy it would look. My hairdresser trimmed the fringe for me and when I put the wig back in the box, insisted I wore it while out shopping. My confidence grew the longer I was out and by the time I came home I didn’t want to take it off. For the first time in months I felt like myself. I wore it to the party and only the people who had seen me since my illness realised it was a wig, they were all complimentary on how natural looking it was. I didn’t feel the need to tell everyone I was wearing a wig, but would have been happy to, if asked. Now, I think I would be confident enough to flaunt a new style and colour just for the fun of it!
I was introduced to the wonder of wigs by a lady on an arts course. I was at a very low ebb with thinking hair and complimented her on hers. When she told me that her hair was worse than mine and she was wearing a wig I was astounded. It just looked like normal hair! Seven years and many wigs later I am a confident out going person who loves going out and dressing up. What do I do when asked about my fabulous hair? I tell the askerthat I suffer from alopecia and that I am wearing a wig, in this way I have helped three other people to find a solution to their hair problems. I look good and it makes me feel good!
When I decided to buy a wig due to thinning hair, I was very lucky to hit upon the perfect wig for me. As soon as I put it on it felt so natural, the colour and style was just what I was hoping for. I felt my confidence returning after feeling quite low for some time. My family and friends were amazed that it looks so real and can’t understand why, if anyone compliments me on my hair, I smile and tell them it’s a wig. They say no-one would know, even from close up but somehow I feel better by being honest about it. It’s just a few seconds of seeing someone’s face drop in amazement and then follow up by saying it looks great and they could do with one! I can also understand people that don’t admit to it – everyone’s different. Because I’ve been very open and happy to talk about my decision to wear a wig, 2 friends with the same problem and one friend who just wanted a change, have each bought a wig from Simply Wigs.
Your stories are all really fascinating! And I agree with the points you’ve all made – we absolutely have a choice about what we share, when and with whom. I also like the idea of being able to help someone worrying about thinning hair to realise that there are quite a few of us out there who wear wigs, and that modern wigs are fabulous quality and in many ways so much easier than trying to make your own hair look that good
Thank you all so much for sharing, I love this positive community Simply Wigs have enabled us to build for one another
Lizzie xxx
I don’t mind sharing lm wearing a wig due to alopecia, but l see no need to “advertise this” so chose whom l share my personal information with. Nowdays wigs are so realistic and you always look as though you walked out of the hairdressers! Except when l have fried it!
I do have the advantage of recognising a wig wearer and can pass on info where to purchase in the UK, because in NZ they are over double the price…..
If lm asked who my hairdresser is l say a friend of a friend, unless l feel it’s ok to share lm wearing a wig for medical reasons.
I believe l don’t need to share this personal information, Only if l want to.
I’m sure most people don’t go around with labelling as to their ailments!
It doesn’t alter who we are and l admit l used to feel restricted in windy weather etc, but using tape has totally changed this also.
Advantage – we don’t need to worry if we want to try another hairstyle/colour at the hairdressers!
Have fun and enjoy our many wig wearing advantages.
It’s a tricky one! Today I started a new job. When I went for the interview I felt incredibly confident because of my new topper. Honestly, without the hair piece I really don’t think I could have sold myself so well. It’s literally changed my life for the better!
But now I have to decide what to say to my new colleagues about my wonderful ‘hair’! At some point, someone’s bound to ask. I guess I will be honest. After all no-one minds about false hips, false boobs, knees, etc, etc! I think humour is usually the best response. If people see that you are happy and confident about the whole thing, they will be too. And, as already said, who knows whether someone listening may need, or know someone who could benefit from, some of my wig knowledge.
I say, “I don’t believe in flogging a dead horse, my own hair is terrible, this is out of a box.” and smile. The replies are usually on these lines and thoughtfully said, “Now that was a good idea”.
I wore a new wig at a New Year party (I had treated myself to a real hair one) which looks amazing and a lady (in the loos!) complimented me and asked if it was my natural colour. I hesitated and for the one and only time was not honest about it and said ‘yes’…then felt really guilty and added ‘….well, as near as I can get to my own colour, it needs some enhancement these days’.
I don’t know why but I just didn’t feel like ‘fessing up’ to a stranger, I usually just tell people if I’m wearing a wig or hair piece and am glad I do because a lady at church came up to me and asked in a whisper if I would give her the details of where I get them from because her hair is getting thin. It felt good to be able to help and that she knows she’s not the only one.
I’ve reached the age of extreme thinness on the top. And when the outgrowth comes through it seems to accentuate it. So, I bought a couple of wigs. They are close to my colour and style and will regularly wear them in between appointments.
I wore one to the hairdressers on the day of an appointment. As she greeted me she kept looking at my hair. She said, “You got your hair cut shorter then when I did it the other month.”
I replied in the negative. She gowned me and sat me in the chair. She looked at my hair and said, “Aren’t you booked in for a touch-up? You don’t need it…or a cut. What are you here for?”
My straight face deserted me and I started to laugh. When I confessed it was a wig she didn’t believe me and started to touch it. It wasn’t until I took it off she and the other stylist there believed it.
She’s not the first hair stylist who had no idea I’ve worn a wig!
When asked about where i get my hair done….i always say my sister in laws who’s a hairdresser. If they then say what colour do you use i reply, not sure i just put my faith in my sister in law and let her experiment with colours.
Dear Lizzie
I started wearing a hairpiece from simply wigs on Christmas Day 2016. I have not stopped since!
Only my immediate family know, not even my two sisters of similar age have t(wigged) it!
My son’s fiance complemented me on my hair so I confided in her that it was a hair piece. She was genuinely surprised. My son and daughter did not notice but I decided to share with them as well.
I have decided to share it with people who will benefit i.e. fellow hair loss sufferers. Apart from that I am so enjoying having the hair I’d always wanted. It has given me so much confidence and pleasure and I even survived a huge gust from Doris last week without it becoming unstable.
Marian x
I was once asked by a complete stranger at the next table in a restaurant “where do you get your hair done, it looks so nice”. I have also been told by an old school friend that she wished her hair was as nice as mine, and I am often complemented on how nice my hair looks.
I always ‘come clean’ – when I was loosing my hair and feeling extremely low I would have given anything for someone to tell me they knew someone else who had the same problem, so I think that by telling people one day the message may reach another person in the same situation and I would be only too glad to help – and point out all the advantages!!