She says I saved her life

‘Mum, I think I’m coming out in sympathy with you’

I just couldn’t believe it when, on a perfect sunny morning in June of this year, my beautiful daughter of 34, told me she had found a lump in her breast just a couple of weeks after my own diagnosis of breast cancer. Typically for her, she played it down, and laughed about it, initially unable to see that such a coincidence could possibly happen, but also, I’m sure, not wanting to worry me.

Following me finding my lump, getting checked, and being diagnosed, and through all my treatment so far (I’m now on the home run of chemo), Fern has been a tower of strength – researching the best questions to ask, and helpful details about my cancer when I couldn’t even bear to think about any of it at all, and inspiring me to be positive and feel in control, always looking on the bright side.

All of this has continued, even when her GP found that Fern had many raised nodes under her arm which were far more difficult to explain away than the lump, and were, two weeks later, diagnosed as cancerous, along with a very large tumour in her breast. Typically, she used her social media accounts immediately to encourage friends and followers to check themselves more carefully – and crucially – to check laying down if they have large breasts (which is never part of the public advice given, but which has meant that several others are now having treatment for tumours they only found following her advice).

The two weeks following her diagnosis, waiting for the results of Fern’s full PET CT body scan was the darkest we as a family have ever faced, and although my daughter barely ate or slept, potentially facing the unthinkable, as a mother of three young children, she still stayed positive for them, as always, taking them out to special places, laughing with them, loving them, and supporting them through their new school experiences with tenderness and encouragement.

‘Even in this darkest time, she was an inspiration to me on how to live your best life’

Thankfully, no secondary cancer was found, and Fern has now had a mastectomy and full node clearance and is due to start her chemo next week. Of course, we both support each other fully, and remain positive, boosting each other’s spirits when it is hard, but my daughter takes the lead in this respect, finding laughter and fun in what could be seen as the darkest of places, giving me nudges to plan nice things for the spring, when we come out of the other side. Fern always makes me feel good about myself, including how I look, and when the time came to choose a wig, she helped me so much with suggestions and honesty, affirming my final choices and giving me so much confidence that I quickly overcame the initial sense of the strangeness of it all,

‘And now see wig-wearing as a great chance to experiment, which I could never have imagined before’

The horror I felt initially after Fern’s diagnosis, not knowing whether I would be well enough to support her – which is all that any mum wants to do – was misplaced. We cook for each other when we can and the grandchildren still come to play and have sleepovers, which is a joy. Of course, as her mum, I feel guilty that I can’t do this as often as I’d like, especially in the week after chemo, but Fern dispels that feeling, telling me that if I hadn’t found my cancer when I did, she most certainly wouldn’t have found hers on time. She says I saved her life, which I guess is true, but not something I was able to see myself until she hugged me and told me that.

It is my wonderful daughter’s limitless humour, positivity, love, and pure joy of living that have carried us through, and will continue to do so. She is not only my hero but a hero to all who know her.

Lots of love, Janet x