QUESTION:
‘Do you ever come to accept alopecia?’
It’s interesting because there are multiple layers to this particular question.
There’s quite a lot for us each to consider when we think about our own attitude towards, and acceptance of, our alopecia. I’m quite sure we will all be in different places, and my experience and feelings will be different from yours. So what follows is nothing more than an illustration of one particular person’s take on alopecia, given my own individual circumstances, experiences and personal characteristics.
‘In other words,
there’s no reason why you should feel the same way I do –
there are no right answers to these questions!”
Do you wish you had ‘real’ hair?
Not really, no. It would be nice to have amazing, gorgeous natural hair like the girls in the shampoo adverts, but how many people have hair that great? I find the advantages of being able to change style and colour whenever I feel like it outweigh the downsides. And based on what some of my more glamorous 40- and 50-something friends tell me, despite wigs being expensive they still work out cheaper than paying the huge bills to have really good hair as you get older!
Are you happy with the way your wig looks?
Yes, pretty much. I love the rooted colour, and I’m really enjoying having shoulder length blonde hair after many years of shorter darker styles. Maybe the old cliché about blondes having more fun is down to mindset! I could design my ideal wig which would be slightly different to my current one, but it’s pretty close. The improvements I’d make to this one are: a neater lace front (to be honest I just need to trim it back a bit), fully handtied, petite size.
Do you mind talking about alopecia? Do you enjoy talking about alopecia?
I don’t mind at all any more, and blogging for Simply Wigs has played a big part in that as getting more relaxed about it has been a recent change for me. I do now enjoy talking about it, and although I don’t go out of my way to tell people I’m a baldy, I quite happily share that if the subject of hair (or indeed blogging!) comes up in conversation.
Do you feel different because of alopecia? Is that a negative feeling?
A little I suppose. But I enjoy that – I don’t want to be the same as everyone else! Basically I’m a great big show off and I’m quite happy to be asked questions about my ‘differentness’!
Was losing your hair traumatic, and if so have you processed the trauma and moved on?
I was lucky that I lost my hair so young (aged 6) that it wasn’t really traumatic for me although it was much harder for my parents. They handled it brilliantly so I don’t think it had a particularly negative effect on my self-esteem, and it certainly built my resilience from an early age which was great. Mum and I wrote a couple of blogs about those early years: Kids With Hair Loss – What helped me? & Kids with hairloss – a parent’s perspective
How do people around you react – do they care that you’ve lost your hair?
Heck no! They’re interested, for sure, but I don’t think they find it weird or see me very differently. Work colleagues don’t care because it makes no difference to whether or not I do a good job and they enjoy working with me. Old friends and family have known for years. New friends care about me, not about whether my hair is a little bit more ‘artificial’ than that of another friend who has highlights or extensions.
How would you react if your wig fell off in public?
The only possible way for me – with laughter! I think the trick is this one is to have a sense of the ridiculous and actually feel that it’s funny…if you want to cry but pretend to laugh people will know. It has happened to me and because it was early on a Sunday morning nobody saw, but if they had I’d have giggled, grinned at them, and made some cheeky comment as I put my wig back on. Again, this more relaxed attitude is fairly recent, up until a few years ago that situation would have upset me.
Would you feel comfortable going without a wig in public?
This is the bit I haven’t fully tackled yet. I don’t go out without a wig, not least because my style of dress and make up would look strange with no hair. I would need to pull off a different look to make the no-hair approach work I think. Plus the back of my head is a funny shape so I don’t look as pretty without a wig as some people may. But that said I do intend to start swimming again and am aiming to swim wig-free as it’s a lot easier and also makes it easier to get goggles on tight. I’m still a bit nervous but I can feel the moment approaching! A kind friend has offered to hold my hand the first time, and I’ll probably take him up on that.
Do you enjoy the benefits that come alongside the downsides of alopecia?
Definitely. I love not having to shave, being able to change style as I want, and I even love false eyelashes now I’ve got used to the fiddly little blighters. I wrote an earlier post about this.
So overall do I think acceptance of alopecia is possible, have I accepted mine? Yes, and almost entirely. It’s still work in progress but I feel very comfortable these days.
How do you feel about alopecia?
What degree of acceptance do you feel is achievable for you?
Let me know,
Love
Lizzie
xx
Comments (23)
A message for Kath regarding wearing a wig at an airport. I have travelled to many countries for many years wearing my wigs and never had a problem going through security. X
I would never go out without my wig. I look like a monster. If my wig fell off, I dont think I could stand it. I’ve had alopecia for years. I will never accept it.
I also have an alopecia, at first I couldn’t accept it and it really traumatized me on my high school days. I felt uncomfortable and ashame of it. and now that I’m having it again during this pandemic days kinda worsen it. I felt depressed and hopeless and kinda blaming myself why am I having this condition? Because I’m in denial that it’s really about me stressing on it and overthinking that my condition will get worse, so then I told my family that I need help becauseI can’t seem to hold it in anymore and my Alopecia is causing me anxiety, the disturbed body image, feeling of terror. I take it in as if my world is crashing down. So I pray to God and accepted it and told to myself what else can I do it’s already here I just need to eat healthy, be happy, don’t stressed out myself or don’t be so hard on myself anymore and relax. it will get better in time it will take awhile but it will be back.
Accepting the fact that I have alopecia totalis has honestly been for the best part of 23 years. Why so long, you may ask? So many reasons but mainly fear and lack of self worth. I could now with the benefit of hindsight say that my ex husband couldn’t manage my inability to be honest and discuss how I was feeling. I tried to be brave, hide it even to the extent that my own children did not know I had no hair until one revealing day on a beach where my parents live.. playing tennis on the beach and yes, the inevitable happened. I will never forget how shocked they were, how they felt so stunned that they did not know whether to comfort me or run away. I fortunately found some steeliness, picked up the wig from the sand, placed it( albeit a bit haphazardly)on my head and carried on playing . It was double pain for me and my children as we were also trying to deal with my husband having an affair( which produced a child and the end of a long marriage and 30 years with my best friend) and my overwhelming grief.
Ironically, it was always my long dark, coppery hair , full dark eyebrows which attracted attention and I despite being an intelligent and very well educated independent woman received it all as a death knell. Suddenly, I was nothing. Not worth loving… a freak. It is now at the age of 59 years that I can reprimand myself at all that wasted time and misplaced self loathing . I want to shout out to all of you who are perhaps in the early stages/ months / years of hair loss and reinforce the message that it is NOT what defines you. Too much is made of its symbolism. Just think of how many women apply colours, extensions etc to perfectly good hair. Why? It is a part of us which attracts too much attention.
My condition is hereditary as my paternal grandmother lost her hair at 8 years old in the early part of the 20th century. She was ashamed and all her life was scarred through living with a condition which she could not share. No professional help.No amazing wig industry which Simply Wigs is a great exponent of.. just a dreadful NHS wig which made her feel even more wretched.
Today, there is no need to feel alone, ashamed and misunderstood. Wigs are fantastic. My friends love all the styles I have worn over the years. My best friend for over 20 years did not know I wore a wig until we had known each other for a couple of years.
My message to you all in a society so focussed on looks , simple mindedness and lack of conscious thinking is to LIVE…focus on what is real and important and…. be kind to yourself. Buy that wig which will give you confidence but never lose sight of the fact that your hair is only a small part of you. Blessings to you all.
I first had alopecia aged 13, suffering a couple of bald patches which regrew. I often worried that it would return but as time went on it seemed less likely. Unfortunately a year ago at the age of 57 I noticed a few small bald spots at the back of my head. The patches increases slightly over the next 7-8 months but didn’t really effect my hairstyle and so wasn’t noticeable. However, within a further couple of weeks I suffered such a loss that I started wearing a wig. Within a further month my own hair looked so bad I took the decision to shave my head. I felt instantly liberated, my wig felt much more comfortable and I’ve worn a bandana or hats for warmth in the house or when out trecking. My wigs have received such a lot of compliments that I’m totally open about wearing one hoping this might reassure others. My latest venture has been to spend time on a holiday with friends without wigs or hats both in and out of doors. This Easter weekend with its glorious weather made me brave enough to go out, very publicly, bald and nobody batted an eyelid. My partner is very supportive and I felt great. Don’t waste time worrying, just be grateful you’re not sick, hold your head up high and enjoy having no bad hair days or expensive trips to the hairdressers.
Nb I think my hair loss followed an emotional trauma that still isn’t resolved. If someone offered my hair back or a solution to that trauma, I’d definitely choose the solution to the trauma.
Thanks Lizzie, I will check that out! x
Hi Kath
Great question! I’ve just talked about that in my new article on Wigs in Summertime – hopefully that will answer the question 🙂
Love Lizzie xx
Hi Lizzie, thanks so much for sharing your experiences and advice. It’s amazing how many people are out there sharing the same problems and insecurities as myself and it certainly helps to read your blog.
I’ve worn wigs for around four years now because of thinning hair and although I would prefer to have my own hair back as it was, I think I have accepted that out of a five sisters (older than me – I’m 68) I have drawn the short straw but just have to get on with it – I tended to think that I would follow them and keep my hair for life so it was a great shock when I realised mine was getting thinner.. I remind myself that at least I got to this age for it to happen and to lose your hair while so young would be so much worse. One question please? I’m going abroad for my holidays and have a fear of wearing a wig while going through customs incase it sets off the alarms because of the metal tabs at the ears. Funny question I know but wondered what you thought about this? have you had any problems? ps Thanks to Simply Wigs I have a great style that i stick to but maybe time for a change!
Hi Jess,
I also lost my hair around the age of about 23 through a traumatic experience. It fell out and kept coming back in clumps. I certainly agree that having hair does not define you and I am still very much the same person as I was before. Although I shy away from some things, I still did a sky dive last year and plan to do another one next month.
As I said to another lady, I certainly wouldn’t want to get your hopes up, but I started having steroid injections injections last November. My hair has come back gradually all over the top and sides. I still have a couple of patches behind my ears and towards the nape of the neck which I still put minoxidil on and I am not quite ready to go without a wig yet but it’s a massive improvement to how I was before. I am still worried in case it does come out again, because there are no guarantees but I wasn’t expecting the re-growth that I have had.
To me, it’s not really relevant whether someone has hair or not. I guess it’s more other people or society opinions that are the pain. We should try to happy in our own skin, whatever that may be.
Unfortunately, I can’t have children so just be grateful for the things that you do have.
Keep on smiling!
xx
Hi Janni,
I just saw your post. I don’t know the reasons around your hair loss or what condition your scalp is in. I lost mine through quite a traumatic experience when my boyfriend was really violent to me. I haven’t had any hair to speak of for over 10 years. I don’t know if you have tried any treatments at all and I wouldn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up.. I have just finished a course of steroid injections at my hospital. After 8 months I have about 60% of my hair back and it’s still coming through, even the smaller, fairer hairs which is a good sign. I’d forgotten what colour it was. I also use minoxidil.
I’m sorry that you haven’t come to terms with it. It’s a horrible thing to have to deal with. It makes it so much easier if you have nice people around you who just love you for who you are. I, too, am very active. I don’t know how you manage that but I find it a little awkward and wear a cap with everything! My nurse bought me lots of scarfs and fluffy shower caps-so comfy. She thinks I should do talks on it but I wouldn’t know where to start. She also came across psycho-dermatology whereby you discuss any possible issues around hair loss but I think the nearest place they do that is London.
Anyway, chins up – another problem I need to deal with!
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