I lost my hair when I was 6, so alopecia is something I’ve grown up with and I don’t really remember what it was like to have hair. I imagine it’s a lot harder to lose your hair as a teenager or an adult. So I’ve been very lucky indeed, and I also think that the way my parents and teachers dealt with my hair loss helped a lot. This is by no means a prescription – everyone is different and so are their circumstances, but here are some of the things which helped me cope successfully as a child and teenager.
Coping with Hair Loss as a Child:
1. My parents didn’t treat it as a particularly big deal. They must have been upset when my hair fell out, and worried about possible causes, but they never showed me that it bothered them.
2. Nobody gave me an easier ride in lessons. There was no ‘poor bald Lizzie, never mind about the test dear’; I was treated completely normally and held to the same academic standards they would have applied normally.
3. I was never led to expect to be bullied as a consequence of losing my hair and was always encouraged to stand up for myself. So on the one occasion an older boy did try to bully me I gave as good as I got and that was the end of it. In fact, at a teenage party years later he came up to me and apologised!
4. My parents struck a good balance. They encouraged my academic abilities, supporting me to achieve things I could be proud of in an area where how you look doesn’t matter. A good message for any young girl, and especially for one with alopecia. At the same time, they let me have nice clothes – nothing extravagant but things I felt good wearing so I was pleased with my appearance at parties, Christmas etc.
5. Before moving to secondary school I talked to my parents about wanting the other kids to know about my wig and being nervous that they’d all be whispering in corners about me, so my parents talked to my first form teacher and the senior mistress in advance.
6. When I got to secondary school, the senior mistress strictly enforced the ‘no make-up’ rules. But she was kind enough to relax that a fraction for me, so I could use a bit of eyebrow make up and eyeshadow to disguise my lack of brows and lashes
7. On my first day at secondary school – with only 2 other pupils from my primary school joining the same secondary – I still was worried about the other kids guessing about my wig and giggling and whispering in corners. As we sat in an introductory session with the games teacher and she told us we would all be expected to take a proper shower after PE lessons I worried even more. So when she asked if there were any questions I stuck my hand up and told all the girls in my year that I wore a wig and would be taking it off for showers. I’m still proud of 11-year-old Lizzie for that one.
8. I was late in getting my first boyfriend, but I always took the view that if a boy was put off by my wig then he wasn’t worth wasting my time on. That one stood me in good stead right through into adulthood!
A few pictures of me growing up
All in all, I was so lucky. I wish I could tell my younger self not to worry about people knowing, and to experiment with different wig styles to my heart’s content. I also wish I’d carried on swimming regularly – everyone at the pool used to know me and so my bald head was never a problem. After I stopped going regularly it felt harder to go back and jump in without my wig. Ditto trampolining.
A final thought for those of you with kids going through this right now, please don’t despair.
‘You and your child are probably upset, scared and worried
but you will find a way to cope and life will get better’.
This might surprise you, but even if I could go back and change it, I wouldn’t remove alopecia from my life. Yes, it’s been hard at times, but it’s helped me develop some of my better characteristics e.g. resilience and a positive attitude. I’ll tell you about my worse characteristics another time 😉
What helped you or your partner or child to deal with hair loss? Are there things you wish you could tell your younger self? I’d love to hear your experiences – do let me know in the comments xx
Thanks Vix, that’s really kind of you! My current wig is Catwalk Deluxe in a petite average cap, by Gisela Mayer, and the colour is Caramel Candy Root. I love it and I’m really pleased I made the change. My mum and grandmother are going to see it in person for the first time this week, I’m looking forward to showing it off!
Lizzie xx
What a wonderful article Lizzie and great to see your photographs all of which show you smiling – something that is still with you today. Love your wig that you wear in your final photograph – which one is this and in which colour?