After my earlier article about what helped me cope with hairloss as a kid, my Mum was kind enough to offer to contribute the parent’s perspective. So this time you get two of us for the price of one, introducing my lovely mum, Joy!

Dealing with Hairloss as a Child:

Mum and I had a good chat about what it was like for her when she realised I was losing my hair;

ME: ‘when did you first notice my hair was falling out?’
MUM: “ It started as a small bald patch, about the size of a 10p piece on the top of your head, then more bald patches came. We went to see a dermatologist, but they weren’t concerned. However, after a while big clumps started falling out and the remaining hair was looking very lank – in many ways that was more upsetting than when it went completely. But I comforted myself that at least you weren’t ill, and I did my best not to let you see I was sad about you losing your hair even though some days I felt like crying. ”

When my hair was still patchy, I used to wear a headscarves, but my hair loss happened quite quickly so I was fully bald before long and Mum started looking into other options.

ME: ‘did I always wear wigs? ’
MUM: “ The early children’s wigs were horrible, and you refused to wear them! So I came up with the idea of you having a smart beret instead. You liked that much better than the bad experience of going to a grotty hair dressers which only had 3 kids wigs, all of them really bad and terribly itchy. At the time you were only 6 or so, and at primary school your beret was accepted without too much trouble. Berets could have looked a bit weird with girly dresses so I used to look for clothes like dungarees which suited your tomboy nature! I also bought you a simple blue dress which you used to look cool in with red tights and a red beret. The general idea was to make a bit of a statement and suit your personality, rather than arousing pity by looking like a victim in a flouncy dress which looked wrong with a beret. ”

As I got older, Mum started thinking ahead to when I would be moving to secondary school.

ME: ‘was I nervous about going to school?’
MUM: “ I wanted to get you used to idea of a wig before the change to secondary school happened. I knew you would need to wear one then, but at 9 or 10 you still weren’t keen. So we got you a play wig – a purple punk one. You loved it and used to wear it for parties a lot. So we started to look for something a bit like that e.g. fairly short and a bit spiky, but not purple! The experience of wearing the play wig had made you happier about the idea of wigs, and we got a referral to a wig salon. ”

I used to love our annual trip to Manchester to choose a new wig. We lived in Hull so it was a big day out and Mum and I used to make a day of it, going shopping and having lunch out. All in all Mum made it into such a great treat that I used to get really excited about our trips to the wig salon. My first wig was a short, dark blonde style (my natural colour), and oddly enough Mum remembers more about the first day I wore it to school than I do.

ME: ‘so, what was my first wig like?’
MUM: “ The first day after you got your first wig you went back to primary school. The previous day you’d been wearing your usual berets and dungarees. We’d got you a little blonde wig, so I put you in a really nice dress, not overly girly but prettier than usual. You looked so different that everyone thought you were a new girl and they were really positive – the comments were along the lines of ‘ooh Lizzie you look lovely’. I was really pleased about that, the whole thing had been about making sure you got a positive reaction and were pleased with your new look ”

Then came the transition to secondary school, which I wrote about in an earlier blog. This could have been difficult, but once again Mum was thinking ahead!

ME: ‘what was it like when I moved school?’
MUM: “ Planning for the move to secondary school became easier once we had a bit of a strategy in place. Part of that was letting you go to a smaller school, and part of it was going to get a lovely new wig beforehand so you had a great new wig to wear when you started at ‘big school’. We talked to your teacher in advance, and on the first day you told your new school mates you wore a wig. The other important thing was making sure you had friends – I always thought you’d be less likely to get picked on if you had friends around you. So I was always happy to welcome friends round to play or for tea and encouraged your natural sociability. I also always knew that eyebrows and eyelashes make a difference so I was happy for you to use make up at earlier age than I would otherwise have allowed, and your teachers were accommodating too. ”

The other key thing I think Mum and Dad did was never to let me play the victim card.

ME: ‘did I ever get into any situations?’
MUM:“ Yes, but we always encouraged you to stand up for yourself and not to show if someone had upset you. Then they won’t pick on you – you need to try to tough it out, and not cry in front of people. I made a point of not wringing my hands or having a ‘poor Lizzie’ attitude, so as to not let you feel like you could use it as an excuse. When I look now at the Olympic cyclist Joanna Rowsell-Shand I love the way she deals with it – she competes and gives trackside interviews without her wig, then when she’s on the sofa as a pundit she wears lovely wigs and enjoys that too”.

This approach did me lot of good, I think it helped to make me fairly resilient. I wasn’t scared of the trendy girls, although at my small, nice school there were no really nasty kids so I was able to develop resilience in a fairly gentle environment. Back then of course there was no internet so it wasn’t possible for Mum to find an online community of other parents in the same situation, but as she points out the upside of this is that there was no online trolling or bullying for me to have to deal with.

To finish . . .

ME: ‘how much of a worry all of this was for her as a parent?’
MUM: “ The temptation for a parent is to overprotect. Fortunately that wasn’t too much of an issue with you. You never came over as vulnerable, and were always tough and confident in yourself and who you were. Basically I think you always had self-belief. So I didn’t worry about you beyond the normal concerns for your child’s welfare, I just knew you’d be OK and would cope. ”

My parents did such a great job of helping me,
I will be forever grateful for the way they handled it all.
Bravo Mum!
I love you
Lizzie
xxx

‘P.S. here is one of my favourite songs that might just chime with you’. . .