“Hair is everything. We wish it wasn’t so we could actually think about something else occasionally. But it is. It’s the difference between a good day and a bad day.”
Phoebe Waller-Bridge
The above quote from BBC’s hilarious Fleabag had everyone rocking with laughter. Me too actually, although my hair is … well… not good. Very, very thin. Patchy. Weirdly bald at the back, especially behind my ears. There, I’ve used the b-word.
It was never thick and lustrous but I ‘got away with it’ until I was 60. Lots of expensive visits to hairdressers, trying out different colours, shorter styles and so on – until one day I had to face facts.
Admitting to myself that I had to get a wig was astonishingly difficult and depressing. Perhaps oddly,I felt guilty because I didn’t, after all, have cancer like many other people going ….. bald.
‘It’s only hair’ I kept saying to myself – but is it?
Floundering, I found a local hairdresser who ‘did wigs’. In fact, while they meant well, the problem was that they pitied me – and so I felt even worse. Pity and – well, to be honest, mild disgust – seem to be related in some way.
The first day I wore a wig I was fully convinced that everyone would notice and that only good manners would stop them staring. How wrong I was.
Anyway, I resolved to avoid over sympathetic hairdressers and discovered www.simplywigs.co.uk .The delight in finding a community which normalises wig-wearing!
The best thing of all – dammit, it’s actually fun to try different colours and styles. If it doesn’t work, return it!
I have the utmost admiration and respect for those who embrace alopecia and have the confidence to go wigless. But it is not for me. Possibly it would be, if I were in my twenties, tall and willowy, with a stunning bone structure. But no, I’m short, 65 and will settle for people asking me where I got my colouring done.
Life is good, and while it is humbling to admit that hair does matter, it is not, actually, everything!
Nuala
X
Just thank you to Nuala, first, then all the other ladies who left their own experiences and related their emotions. I am at the beginning stage of deciding to look at wearing a wig to cover my very fastly appearing top-back balding patch. Honestly I am ‘scared’ of it all… but hopeful. Thanks again all you wonderful women, now off to find videos about how to put one on, ………….x
I have just read everyone comments from the piece I wrote last year and I am feeling quite emotional! Thank You everyone and Thank You Simply Wigs!
My wig arrived last Friday after Simply Wigs pulled out all the stops to send it to me before they closed. I still have hair but it’s very thin now and my new wig has taken 10 years off me. A neighbour commented last night how nice my hair looks. I didn’t enlighten her!
I felt moved to comment as someone who has had Alopecia Areata and worn wigs for over 25 years. I admire those people brave enough to go ‘bare’ but for me it’s never been something I wanted to do. I’d sooner walk up the road naked! The improvements in wig technology in the time I’ve been wearing them has been huge. My first wig was so awful I gave up wearing it and put up with being stared at! Now people stop me in shops and ask me where I get my hair done. It’s great to see more publicity and acceptance for hair loss but sadly Phoebe Walker-Bridge was right when she said ‘hair is everything’. Luckily we have Simply Wigs to help us look and feel great again!
I have been wearing wigs for 5 years now. My hair disappeared from the side and top of my head completely, through stress supposedly. I wear wigs all the time, simply wigs are my godsend.
Hi Nuala, yesterday I ordered a wig from Simply Wigs. I also have very fine hair and when I was younger it was not a problem because it was cut so well. Now I’m older (73 on Saturday) it’s very thin especially on top and the crown and you can see my scalp. Mostly this has happened through stress and not being so well in myself. I’m looking forward to my wig and just hope I’ve chosen the right colour. I’ve tried to choose a style similar to how I would wear my own hair. I found everyone’s comments really interesting and helpful. Maureen
Nuala this is one of the most helpful articles I’ve read about hair loss, and absolutely sums up my own experience too. Thank you.
To tell or not to tell? Mostly I say ‘Thanks, it’s a wig’ but there is the odd occassion, usually with someone I barely know, when I feel it will confuse or embarass them (not me) so I just smile and thank them!
Put it like this, everyone who knows me knows about my wigs.
Loved reading this. I am so glad that is wasn’t only me who used to think I had to have a ‘reason’ for loosing my hair and almost felt guilty that I couldn’t say it was because of cancer or another illness!
Thanks for this Nuala , you echo my feelings exactly. I now wear a number of different styles of wig. Occasionally I wrestle with the remains of my bio hair (lost through stress mainly) but not often. Wigs are great and I tell anyone who compliments me on my hair that it is a wig.
I want to spread the word that it is just another kind of cosmetic. So, I’m vain, that’s fine. Hair is important to us and we shouldn’t need an excuse to fake it if we want to.
Nuala just confirms everything I feel about having awful hair. Mine too is ultra thin and exposes my scalp. What there is of it fine and wispy with the texture of candyfloss. Having pathetic hair is just so confidence sapping and I used to be consumed with envy of all those ladies I see with thick hair, even elderly ones like me. But no more! I just pop on my lovely shortish choppy blonde wig and nobody, but nobody, ever guesses it’s not my real hair. Even those I tell find it hard to believe, it’s so natural looking. A million zillion thanks to Simply Wigs for enabling me to face the world with confidence. Xx
Oh Nuala, how true. I went through exactly the same as you – screwed up the courage, went to the ‘wig experts’ and came away feeling so miserable! Then I discovered Trish, a local hairdresser who’s sister was a necessity wearer and just knew what it was like. She gave me a one on one session and helped me choose my first wig which I wore to my only son’s wedding and felt fabulous. You’re right, you go through the sense of shame because you don’t ‘need’ a wig, then you think everyone is looking at you and knows, and then finally you realise that people have other things on their minds and are not looking at you in that much detail. And yes, how do you deal with those that compliment you on your new hairstyle? Do you tell them the secret or smile to yourself and thank them for noticing?
Thank you, Nuala, you have expressed many wig wearers experience so well! I have now decided to ‘throw caution to the wind’ and try a new shade!!
Well done Nuala. This is a brave step you have taken and I admire you. I am in exactly the same position as you and oh! how much better I felt about myself once I found Simply Wigs and was able to walk with my head held high again, not wondering who was behind me looking at my patches and feeling sorry for me. Instead, everyone was telling me that I look fantastic and yes, what colour did I use and which hairdresser. But here’s the thing. Do I lie or do I tell people the truth. That is my dilemma!
Thank you for this. You put into words my own experiences.
This site and peoples comments help me feel part of a lovely and interesting community.
How right you are. I had a similar experience in always having fine and very straight hair and for most of my life was always trying to make it look good. Most days were bad hair days!
In my early 60s my hair started to fall out at the nape of my neck and gradually got worse spreading to most of my head. Initially I coped with it by wearing a different style and had steroid injections in my scalp (painful) to promote new growth which didn’t work. Eventually I had to admit defeat and wear a wig.
My life changed overnight. First day at work,with my new hair, all my colleagues were jealous and wanted one as well.
No more bad hair days. No more spending ages each morning with the hairdryer.
Plenty of opportunities to try new styles and colours.
When people comment on my hair I always take the compliment and say ‘it’s a wig’ the response is always the same. ‘I never would have guessed’.
The wonderful people at Simply Wigs are amazing. I look forward to Fab Friday every week to see what’s on offer.
But the biggest part of all this for me is that I never have a bad hair day. Fab!
What’s not to like.
Best regards
Linden
I’m also 65 and you’re right – at our age, going bald isn’t a good option. I started wearing a wig full time about 2 years ago after slowing losing all the front of my hair with frontal fibrosising alopecia and trying to cover up with hair bands and hats. A windy day was a nightmare! Since then, I’ve had more compliments about my ‘hair’ then ever before. People often ask where I get it done and what colour I use. I usually end up telling them it’s a wig, and they are always amazed. Wearing a wig is so much easier than worrying about styling your hair. Just pop it on and go. I love it and enjoy shopping at Simply Wigs – they have such a great selection. ?
After a lifetime of lousy hair; baby fine, and sparse as sparse could be, I found myself menopausal and what little hair there was disappeared fast. A big bald spot appeared on the top of my head. I sort of knew it was there all along, but my very tall husband started to comment on it. No amount of artful arrangement, vitamin supplements, or the gloopy, expensive stuff my former hairdresser calls ‘Product’ made any difference whatsoever.
Hats were a hopeless disguise, they never fitted, there wasn’t enough hair to hold them in place! Hoods on coats would flop so far forward, I couldn’t see where I was going.
After randomly searching the internet for hair extensions and other ‘solutions’, I found Simply Wigs – hurrah!
I started out with the Berlin Topper, a game changer, for sure, but soon I was embracing full wigs, and now I love that I can change my style and colour at whim, and be ready to go out in seconds!
What a lovely story. I laughed out loud while reading it and agreed with all your comments and feelings while coming to terms with wearing a wig . So very true of feeling sure that everyone is looking at you and knows that you are wearing a wig . I’ve worn a full wig for about 4 years now and still have self doubts when out and about . Reading other people’s stories is very therapeutic and helps us to remember that there are many more worse conditions than losing our hair . Thank you x
Oooo this is just how I felt, good to know I’m not alone. After a year of wearing wigs ( which takes some getting used too) I’m actually ok with it. Well done and well said, respect to you ?
Brilliant I completely relate to this as my problem is similar. I have longed for a wig for more years than I remember, I did have a local supplier but without the massive style and colour choice, the lovely special offers and ability to return. My hair, what there is of it, is kept extremely short and I adore wearing a wig, far less trouble than hairdressers for a regular cut and styling. Simply Wigs are simply the BEST ?
Wonderful picture, wig looks very natural on you
Once you come to terms with the fact you no longer have hair and never will again it’s just a case of getting over it. Distressing? yes..definitely, but now life is simple and FUN!
So many fabulous styles and colours you are spoilt for choice. I just pick my wig of the day…shake and go…no stopping me now!!
Brilliant post. Agree with everything in it.