It was late 2008. I guess that’s when it all started. My dear dad died in early December. Not a shock, as he was 92 but a massive loss to me. I had also just got married which had been an out of the blue surprise given I was 54! So, lots of changes going on.
By May 2009, I first noticed my hairbrush being thick with hair after every use, and needing to try new mascara’s as suddenly they weren’t working. I couldn’t deny anymore that all of the hair on my body was going. I didn’t go to the doctor. I knew this type of hair loss would be relentless and there wasn’t a cure for it. I felt wretched and sad, unattractive and maybe angry too at times. Throwing handfuls of hair in the loo is a tough call.
“Maybe I was lucky, my hair went quickly. I wasn’t ill. Within 6 months of my dad’s death, I was completely bald. Alopecia Totalis to put it clinically. Heartbreaking to put it emotionally”.
So there I was. No hair and a fairly new husband. If I had not met John I feel I would not have fared so well. He was my strength throughout. I felt bereft and totally lost at times. I had been the woman who goes to the hairdresser weekly. I knew Marco who always cut my hair and going to the salon was a social thing as much as anything else. I so loved a wash and blow dry. Loved the feel of clean hair. Just as most women I guess. I loved having hair. Now I didn’t have hair and thankfully my husband made it abundantly clear that he loved ME just as I was. That in itself gave me the courage to organise myself. Arrange an appointment at a wig salon.
Get on with it. My heart was in pieces but somewhere deep down I knew this mustn’t be an ending. More a beginning of something different. Gradually over about 12 months, I found the colour and style that I felt good about. Gradually I found ‘me’ again. Within that, there were of course a few battles going on. Friends reacted differently. Some helpful some really not. Baldness and wigs are such a ‘joke’ of course.
“People don’t know how to handle it, especially if it’s a woman’s baldness. Anyway, I kept the friends that ‘got it’ and dropped the ones that didn’t. Life got better”.
Fast forward to 2019. By now I had almost forgotten that wearing a wig was not the norm. I was happy and content with my life both at home and at work. Then breast cancer came into my life like a tornado. Ripping at everything I felt was secure. The treatment plan initially involved chemo and the surgeon warned me that I would likely lose my hair. ‘I won’t’ I said confidently. He looked puzzled and I told him about the Alopecia. We actually laughed about it. A small ‘win’ in a dire situation. Anyway in the end chemo wasn’t needed. I had 4 months of treatment after an operation to remove the tumour. I was cancer free and counting my blessings. I sometimes think that losing my hair was preparing me for cancer. I felt so scared and insecure at times having the big C label, just as I had when my hair started to fall out. Obviously, I knew I wouldn’t die without hair but it had threatened who I thought I was. It had stripped me, at least for a while of my personality. Cancer does that and some, but I felt fairly resilient from the get-go.
Love goes a long way to help that. My husband, my real friends and that ever-precious NHS got me through. I am not writing a sad story here. I am just trying to say we can get through the most ghastly times. It’s about digging deep and just about holding on sometimes for sure. It’s not always pretty or ordered but it is worth the fight!
“I am a bald woman who looks good in her wig and is now healthy!! Life is good.”
Love to you all, Shirley xx
Comments (20)
All these stories chime with my own experience; some more closely than others but the main thing I would like to come of all this is for women’s magazines to be more inclusive of this aspect of many women’s lives . True they often print an article on hair loss but the problem is always solved by treatment whereas we all know it often cannot be solved . Glossy and glamorous magazines could greatly help the whole perception of wig-wearing .
Hi Shirley, thank you for sharing your story. Twice you have been dealt very big blows and you come through it, esp your cancer, sorry to hear about your dad, that’s hard to deal with as well.
You always look amazing on TV and to he honest never even thought your wore a wig.
Iv suffered with alopecia for over 50 years. Thank goodness there are lovely wigs these days.
Thanks for being such an inspiration x
Hi Shirley,
What a positive story. I think you are marvelous. Thank you so much for sharing. You look terrific!
I’m very new to wigs, in fact my first wig is due to arrive today, so your story has come bang on time for me. It has really made a difference.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom born of adversity Shirley, inspirational.
Thanks for sharing your story Shirley. You truly are brave, resilient and inspirational.
Thankyou Shirley. You have given me the kick up the backside that I needed. I have been feeling a bit sorry for myself for a while even though I have had the Frontal Fibrosing Alopecia since about 2008 and I still have a few hair follicles that are still alive – very few. If I let them grow I look ridiculous, so I shave them off. Thankyou for reminding me that we can dig deep and find our reserves. What we look like does not make us the person that we really are, that is something that is deep inside of us and hair loss will not change that. I agree with dropping ‘so called’ friends who either think it is funny or are embarassed to be seen with us. Thankyou again, you came at the right time for me. Janice. XX
Truly inspirational Shirley. Thank you for sharing your story.
I went to see my dental hygienist the other day – I wore one of my older pixie wigs as I’d be lying flat. After she finished the nurse complimented me on my hair and I said “oh its a wig, I wear them all the time now”. They both said “well done you, it looks great” and agreed with me that it was no different to putting in a set of dentures or wearing specs. I think if we can be upfront and confident about our wig wearing we will start to break down barriers. My family and friends are just curious as to which style I’ll turn up in next these days!
Hi Shirley
Truly inspirational !!
Thank you so much for sharing.
Wendy xx
Well done Shirley. Women have to be courageous in all sorts of situations as life throws whatever it does at us. The way you deal with it is inspirational. I’ve worn wigs for years – my GP has no idea, neither do most of my family.
You’ve given me the courage to drop the ‘wig bomb’ on them. Pathetic isn’t it?
But thank you. You look amazing in yours.
Leave a Comment