I decided to write this blog because of a recent online experience on my personal Facebook page and I think it’s a really important subject but perhaps one which we don’t speak about enough.
If you’re like me and you’ve suffered with hair loss through childhood you’ll have probably experienced bullying at some point but never did I think that I’d experience online abuse at the age of 25.
Before I go into this topic, I’ll tell you the story and set the context. A few weeks ago, I changed my profile picture, one where I actually have quite a natural make-up look (for once) and overnight, I received a comment from someone on my friends list about my eyebrows. I won’t go into full details of the comment but it referred to drawing my eyebrows on. This person doesn’t know me, and in fact, the only reason he was on my friend’s list was because of a once business opportunity a few years ago. So, as I woke up Sunday morning, aimlessly scrolling through my Facebook feed to then find a comment which initially shocked and upset me.
Most people in my life now, know about my alopecia and in this case, it turned out, that said ‘keyboard warrior’ did not. However, is it just me that thinks this is totally beside the point? Why would an adult, feel that it’s appropriate or acceptable to comment on a young girl’s appearance? Is it any wonder that people of today are so self-conscious? What ever happened to if you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t bother saying it at all?
There is so much pressure on young men and women to constantly look and feel their best, particularly on social media – it’s such a competitive environment, and it has the power to either build your confidence or completely destroy it.
Fortunately, I’m at the age where I absolutely own my alopecia, I’m proud of the person that it’s made me, I’m proud of how I look with, or without hair, despite not having the confidence to go wig free in public, and I’m damn proud of how well I draw my eyebrows on! Despite having little hair and little shape to them I spend a good five minutes every morning perfecting them, and I will not tolerate someone telling me that they’re not good enough for this society. Let me tell you – every single one of us is good enough whether we have hair, or no hair, eyebrows or no eyebrow. We pluck up the courage every single day, we put on a brave face and we deal with these circumstances, and some days, like that Sunday, it’s rubbish. But what made me so much stronger and what helped me fight back, was the amount of support from my friends and family. I didn’t count exact numbers but I had at least 30 different people reply to this bully and defend me and it really helped me put things into perspective.
People say hurtful things, but they’re just words. Regardless of their nasty words and hurtful comments, you’ll always be you, you’ll always be the bigger person. You’ll always have the support of everyone around you, including your simply wigs family! Please don’t ever think that you’re not good enough. I believe that everything happens for a reason and we deal with hair loss conditions because we’re strong enough to battle through it!
My final thoughts on this topic. Please don’t ever feel like you should suffer in silence, if someone is bullying you for your hair loss condition, no matter how old you are, don’t let them win. I’ll always listen, so feel free to get in touch and we can fight off the bullies together.
Lots of love
Steph
x
Comments (28)
Thank you for your post. I have pocs (all my life). Its very painful and causes severe hair loss and very fine weak hair. Dealt with this all my life and was bullied last night by some bar girls. I was wearing a beautiful blonde wig that took years off my appearance. They said “oh this is the first time we have seen you with hair” …i tried to explain about my syndrome and they said “could it be you are reaching menopause”? (I am 61 years and did meno 8 years ago)…I was not about to reveal my age as they were probably a good 10 years younger than me but looked significantly older…i just said either one of you look old enough to my mom. They went boombastic and threatened to rip my beanie and my beautiful wig off..
I simply said that is a threat of assault and i can call 911 as we speak. They were heavier and bigger than me but they both were blondes. …but they scurried out …lol..don’t know..but I was not gonna let them punk me down cuz of my hair loss or anyone else.
What a great way you handled that Tania xx
Hi Janet
there is much more needed to be done by ‘putting out there’ that it’s absolutely ok for alopecia to happen and for it to be socially accepted, without it being an effect of cancer treatment.
I believe the NHS, wig companies and Social Media do not do near enough to promote this, nor provide services and help for sufferers to cope with all the stress and financial difficulties it brings. The Gov. cutbacks have made this a near impossible area to get sufficient help with, especially for those who cannot afford it.
I am glad that your daughter is holding her head high and being a very brave and strong individual. The main advice that I would give her is that it is an illness, just like any other illness and in that, it is not any reflection on the person she is today. It’s her business and if she wishes to speak about it or not, it’s entirely at her choice and nobody else’s. Speaking of choice, this is something that is not chosen by her but by fate. Think of all the ‘additives’ many others use to enhance their appearances, such as make up, false eye lashes and hair extensions etc and those are widely accepted every day.
In my years of having alopecia, I have had various boyfriends and for the long stay ones, it has not been an issue. The short relationship ones, I have chosen not to talk about it and that has been my prerogative.
There was an interesting daytime TV play on, a few years ago, whereas a teacher lost her hair. She was teaching in a class with some quite difficult children and initially was given a hard time from the children by their mocking of her. which then was magnified enormously when she started to loose her hair, She then told them it was cancer and the majority of them changed their behaviour to sympathy and decency which also spread throughout the school leading to a fundraising campaign and respect etc for her. Now it had all gone too far, which she had never meant to happen (it had been an attempt entirely to take the nasty remarks etc away and shut the class up!)
She then got into trouble with the school officials, when she had to ‘confess’!!
However, after the story went on, the end was (or at least as I interpreted it), that it is something that happens and is not open to being ridiculed by others, nor needed to be apologised for by the person suffering it.
I hope that your daughter’s hair grows back but if it doesn’t she will be as the worthy person as much as any other individual, by her deeds and actions.
Take care
Yvonne
Did any of us expect to lose our hair? My doctor said – at the time – it usually grows back. I had a virus – I was ill for a few weeks – a horrible time – and my hair didn’t grow back. The best response, in times of difficulties is two-fold. First, a smile. Second, “it can happen to anyone, at any time ….. ” – there is usually a pause – as this message sinks in. I wear very hip semi-reflective glasses because of the eye lashes – that’s the most difficult to fix on a daily basis.
It is heartening to read all these responses. I’m out with my new man tomorrow evening and will flick my simply hair – for ALL of us! J
Steph, you look wonderful in all those wigs you model for SW. You are lucky to be young in an age whereby wig technology is so advanced. I am 64 and started to lose my hair in my teens. I had to put up with low self esteem and bullying from my peers at school, and, to be honest, I never really recovered my confidence until I found SW at the age of 57. Now, alopecia has become an adventure and I love being able to change my hair from long to short to long again, without the need for hairdressers salons. You have inspired me so much with your own passion for wigs, so evident in the little YouTube clips and you look to be such a happy, fun-loving person. Remember, you are beautiful on the outside AND the inside – the same can’t be said for the miserable coward who posted such nasty comments about you. Ignore him and continue with your happy and beautiful life. Lots of love. XX
Hi everyone,
I just want to say a massive thank you for the overwhelming amount of support. I didn’t expect so many comments so it’s hard to reply to everyone individually but I just wanted to say thank you for your kind comments, and as always your support. As a ‘hair loss community’ we can continue to support each other through these situation. I really love hearing how I’ve resonated with people and helped to inspire them! Lots of love to you all keep the comments coming! Ps. to the lady who mentioned following me on Facebook, you’re more than welcome to add me as a friend! I’m always happy to chat. If you email simply wigs they’ll be able to give you my last name 🙂 xxx
Hi, Just read Steph’s story.I am a 65 year old woman who had breast cancer 4 yrs ago.I lost my hair through chemo ,although it grew back it was never the same and the medication I am on now is killing it off altogether.I decided to go back to wig wearing and my confidence has grown.Iuse to walk through town with my head down and if the wind blew it would show all my non existent hairline.I do still get odd looks but I think they must be jealous of my lovely head of hair.!!!!Anyway,Steph you look beautiful.Bullies are unhappy people who try to make others unhappy.Best wishes to all you wig wearers and a big thankyou to simply wigs for making it possible.
Wow I wish I could do my eyebrows like yours! They look fab, I’d love help doing mine ! Xx
Same problem with hair loss as you darling just don’t let small minded people get to you, you are better than them rise above it.
Hi Steph,
Your eyebrows look beautiful!! Just ignore the sad, bitter little troll. Who are they to comment anyway? I wonder if that person is male & balding? Or Maybe female & hasn’t the courage to change the way they look? Perhaps you could give them lessons!
Susiex
Leave a Comment