I decided to write this blog because of a recent online experience on my personal Facebook page and I think it’s a really important subject but perhaps one which we don’t speak about enough.
If you’re like me and you’ve suffered with hair loss through childhood you’ll have probably experienced bullying at some point but never did I think that I’d experience online abuse at the age of 25.
Before I go into this topic, I’ll tell you the story and set the context. A few weeks ago, I changed my profile picture, one where I actually have quite a natural make-up look (for once) and overnight, I received a comment from someone on my friends list about my eyebrows. I won’t go into full details of the comment but it referred to drawing my eyebrows on. This person doesn’t know me, and in fact, the only reason he was on my friend’s list was because of a once business opportunity a few years ago. So, as I woke up Sunday morning, aimlessly scrolling through my Facebook feed to then find a comment which initially shocked and upset me.
Most people in my life now, know about my alopecia and in this case, it turned out, that said ‘keyboard warrior’ did not. However, is it just me that thinks this is totally beside the point? Why would an adult, feel that it’s appropriate or acceptable to comment on a young girl’s appearance? Is it any wonder that people of today are so self-conscious? What ever happened to if you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t bother saying it at all?
There is so much pressure on young men and women to constantly look and feel their best, particularly on social media – it’s such a competitive environment, and it has the power to either build your confidence or completely destroy it.
Fortunately, I’m at the age where I absolutely own my alopecia, I’m proud of the person that it’s made me, I’m proud of how I look with, or without hair, despite not having the confidence to go wig free in public, and I’m damn proud of how well I draw my eyebrows on! Despite having little hair and little shape to them I spend a good five minutes every morning perfecting them, and I will not tolerate someone telling me that they’re not good enough for this society. Let me tell you – every single one of us is good enough whether we have hair, or no hair, eyebrows or no eyebrow. We pluck up the courage every single day, we put on a brave face and we deal with these circumstances, and some days, like that Sunday, it’s rubbish. But what made me so much stronger and what helped me fight back, was the amount of support from my friends and family. I didn’t count exact numbers but I had at least 30 different people reply to this bully and defend me and it really helped me put things into perspective.
People say hurtful things, but they’re just words. Regardless of their nasty words and hurtful comments, you’ll always be you, you’ll always be the bigger person. You’ll always have the support of everyone around you, including your simply wigs family! Please don’t ever think that you’re not good enough. I believe that everything happens for a reason and we deal with hair loss conditions because we’re strong enough to battle through it!
My final thoughts on this topic. Please don’t ever feel like you should suffer in silence, if someone is bullying you for your hair loss condition, no matter how old you are, don’t let them win. I’ll always listen, so feel free to get in touch and we can fight off the bullies together.
Lots of love
Steph
x
Thank you for your post. I have pocs (all my life). Its very painful and causes severe hair loss and very fine weak hair. Dealt with this all my life and was bullied last night by some bar girls. I was wearing a beautiful blonde wig that took years off my appearance. They said “oh this is the first time we have seen you with hair” …i tried to explain about my syndrome and they said “could it be you are reaching menopause”? (I am 61 years and did meno 8 years ago)…I was not about to reveal my age as they were probably a good 10 years younger than me but looked significantly older…i just said either one of you look old enough to my mom. They went boombastic and threatened to rip my beanie and my beautiful wig off..
I simply said that is a threat of assault and i can call 911 as we speak. They were heavier and bigger than me but they both were blondes. …but they scurried out …lol..don’t know..but I was not gonna let them punk me down cuz of my hair loss or anyone else.
What a great way you handled that Tania xx
Hi Janet
there is much more needed to be done by ‘putting out there’ that it’s absolutely ok for alopecia to happen and for it to be socially accepted, without it being an effect of cancer treatment.
I believe the NHS, wig companies and Social Media do not do near enough to promote this, nor provide services and help for sufferers to cope with all the stress and financial difficulties it brings. The Gov. cutbacks have made this a near impossible area to get sufficient help with, especially for those who cannot afford it.
I am glad that your daughter is holding her head high and being a very brave and strong individual. The main advice that I would give her is that it is an illness, just like any other illness and in that, it is not any reflection on the person she is today. It’s her business and if she wishes to speak about it or not, it’s entirely at her choice and nobody else’s. Speaking of choice, this is something that is not chosen by her but by fate. Think of all the ‘additives’ many others use to enhance their appearances, such as make up, false eye lashes and hair extensions etc and those are widely accepted every day.
In my years of having alopecia, I have had various boyfriends and for the long stay ones, it has not been an issue. The short relationship ones, I have chosen not to talk about it and that has been my prerogative.
There was an interesting daytime TV play on, a few years ago, whereas a teacher lost her hair. She was teaching in a class with some quite difficult children and initially was given a hard time from the children by their mocking of her. which then was magnified enormously when she started to loose her hair, She then told them it was cancer and the majority of them changed their behaviour to sympathy and decency which also spread throughout the school leading to a fundraising campaign and respect etc for her. Now it had all gone too far, which she had never meant to happen (it had been an attempt entirely to take the nasty remarks etc away and shut the class up!)
She then got into trouble with the school officials, when she had to ‘confess’!!
However, after the story went on, the end was (or at least as I interpreted it), that it is something that happens and is not open to being ridiculed by others, nor needed to be apologised for by the person suffering it.
I hope that your daughter’s hair grows back but if it doesn’t she will be as the worthy person as much as any other individual, by her deeds and actions.
Take care
Yvonne
Did any of us expect to lose our hair? My doctor said – at the time – it usually grows back. I had a virus – I was ill for a few weeks – a horrible time – and my hair didn’t grow back. The best response, in times of difficulties is two-fold. First, a smile. Second, “it can happen to anyone, at any time ….. ” – there is usually a pause – as this message sinks in. I wear very hip semi-reflective glasses because of the eye lashes – that’s the most difficult to fix on a daily basis.
It is heartening to read all these responses. I’m out with my new man tomorrow evening and will flick my simply hair – for ALL of us! J
Steph, you look wonderful in all those wigs you model for SW. You are lucky to be young in an age whereby wig technology is so advanced. I am 64 and started to lose my hair in my teens. I had to put up with low self esteem and bullying from my peers at school, and, to be honest, I never really recovered my confidence until I found SW at the age of 57. Now, alopecia has become an adventure and I love being able to change my hair from long to short to long again, without the need for hairdressers salons. You have inspired me so much with your own passion for wigs, so evident in the little YouTube clips and you look to be such a happy, fun-loving person. Remember, you are beautiful on the outside AND the inside – the same can’t be said for the miserable coward who posted such nasty comments about you. Ignore him and continue with your happy and beautiful life. Lots of love. XX
Hi everyone,
I just want to say a massive thank you for the overwhelming amount of support. I didn’t expect so many comments so it’s hard to reply to everyone individually but I just wanted to say thank you for your kind comments, and as always your support. As a ‘hair loss community’ we can continue to support each other through these situation. I really love hearing how I’ve resonated with people and helped to inspire them! Lots of love to you all keep the comments coming! Ps. to the lady who mentioned following me on Facebook, you’re more than welcome to add me as a friend! I’m always happy to chat. If you email simply wigs they’ll be able to give you my last name 🙂 xxx
Hi, Just read Steph’s story.I am a 65 year old woman who had breast cancer 4 yrs ago.I lost my hair through chemo ,although it grew back it was never the same and the medication I am on now is killing it off altogether.I decided to go back to wig wearing and my confidence has grown.Iuse to walk through town with my head down and if the wind blew it would show all my non existent hairline.I do still get odd looks but I think they must be jealous of my lovely head of hair.!!!!Anyway,Steph you look beautiful.Bullies are unhappy people who try to make others unhappy.Best wishes to all you wig wearers and a big thankyou to simply wigs for making it possible.
Wow I wish I could do my eyebrows like yours! They look fab, I’d love help doing mine ! Xx
Same problem with hair loss as you darling just don’t let small minded people get to you, you are better than them rise above it.
Hi Steph,
Your eyebrows look beautiful!! Just ignore the sad, bitter little troll. Who are they to comment anyway? I wonder if that person is male & balding? Or Maybe female & hasn’t the courage to change the way they look? Perhaps you could give them lessons!
Susiex
Unbelievable what people think they can say!!! My daughter is 14 and has lost all her hair, lashes, brows etc, but with stories of cancer etc being spread at school, some think it’s still ok to comment and stare. She will not tell anyone she has alopecia so I guess the rumours will go around but it’s up to her if she ever tells anyone. She had her brows micro bladed last year to make things easier in the mornings for school but her new wig has given her a little more confidence and like you said, this will make her a stronger better person than all of them.
Good for you having a shout about it. Some people are just ignorant!
Merci pour votre message et la réalité de ces mots et actions
(Thank you for your message and the reality of these words and actions)
Well said Steph!
Hello steph I am so sorry about your bullying keep smiling and be your happy self x
Hello Steph, I always read your blogs and enjoy how candid and open you are with regards to your wig wearing, life experiences and options you present. I am sorry to read that a ‘person’ has felt that it’s ok to insult or belittle another human being, bad enough privately but, in an open forum. It does seem to be almost the ‘norm’ nowadays for nasty expressions to be made and accepted, under the guise of “honesty”? I am always amazed at how rude and spiteful these comments can be. As you say whatever happened to the philosophy of if it’s not nice don’t say it.
My answer to these “people” is take a look at yourself before you criticise anyone else, you may be good looking externally but you’re not so nice on the inside! Hold your chin up high Steph, you’re a better person than they’ll ever be.
Beautiful words which resonated with me, that’s a great attitude, we are worthy and never think we are not everyone x
Hello Steph
Life has taught me not to let people like this troll get to you – they are looking for a reaction and IF they get one, they know they’ve got to you which feeds their nastiness. So however hard it may be, please try and shrug it off and leave them to their sad little lives, cooped up in their dreary bedsits with no facsimile of a life in front of them. You are worth more than a legion of these idiots and I do hope it hasn’t left its mark on your confidence.
I really admire how you have dealt with your Alopaecia. Sadly, my GP Practice didn’t take any notice of me when mine started – they just kept saying “Well, you’re getting older now” and it was only when I broke down during a consultation about something else and the GP found out I’d never been referred to a specialist in 17 YEARS, that something was finally diagnosed so I would like to urge any woman experiencing unusual hair loss to badger her GP until she gets referred. We pay our NI Contributions so we should have access to whatever care we need.
My ‘hair-on-an-Alice-bad’ hair piece was purchased about a year ago, yet it’s never been out of the box or on my head – I simply can’t use it, I don’t know why. There seems to be a mental block but I just can’t do it: like you, I style my short (and thin) bob as best I can.
What I can advise newly-diagnosed sufferers is to use a shampoo & conditioner combo like Head & Shoulders (even if you don’t have dandruff) because by using a combined solution, there’s much less hair loss during the washing regime (why I didn’t figure this out years ago is beyond me, but at least I know now).
So I commend you, Steph, for addressing this sad reflection of life in Britain today. You are dealing with Aopaecia much better than I am.
Hi Steph,
I totally agree with your blog and believe me it still goes on when your in your 60’s!
I got alopecia after the death of my husband to cancer some 8 years ago now, recently , like a lot of us I feel the need for some male company, my family are very supportive but sometimes you just need a fresh mind and some different conversation. However, after joining a very well known dating site, I find I am constantly criticised on my photo image, which I have been told is lovely, nothing wrong with the hair or eyebrows, so why do men think they have the right to comment on how I look? One even had the cheek to ask was ai wearing a wig, to which i replied yes, what of it, but i dont know this man, never seen him before, needless to say i never heard another peep out of him, it seems we wig wearers look too damned glamorous for that lot!
Apologies for typo errors.. quick typing!
Dear Steph,
I just read your story/ experience and had to reply immediately because I feel disgusted and appalled at the merciless, insensitive and ignorant attitude of some of our fellow human- beings.
I am 56 years old, have suffered from alopecia since I was 35 years old and am a secondary school teacher. I have akso been the mercy of cooments and sniggers but because of my age, experience I was able to take one boy aside and say in his ear’ ‘When you have something to say about the way I teach you then I will listen but not when you dare to make comments about my appearance which you know nothing about’ He was immediately silenced.
You are beautiful but more importantly, you can empathise abd it will benefit so many people out there. This image- conscious society is damaging and negative . You are the light, the truth and the humanity.
Love yourself. Tania x
What a wonderful and inspirational piece of writing. I think you look absolutely gorgeous and I bet you get more compliments than a lot of people. The person who you write about is just an uneducated fool. I’m 56 and only in my first year of losing my hair after illness and I’m lucky not to have had anything nasty be said. But like you, I’m (trying) owning my hair loss. Bless you lovely lady x
As I’ve said before Steph, you are beautiful both inside and out. Please don’t change a thing! We love you just as you are, kind, thoughtful and always there to help people feel better about themselves by sharing your experiences, unlike the jealous, bitter person that has upset you. I know you’ll get over this and continue to help and entertain us for a very long time to come.
Wishing you a lovely Easter
Kath x
as we all would be but I also know you will raise above it and carry on helping and entertaining us
What an amazing blog! I totally relate to your experience and everything you have written. You have really inspired me! I would really like to follow you on FB if that’s ok. I have suffered from PCOS-related hair loss since I was in school. It messed up all my teens years and I’m still quite a mess to be honest. Although most of my family now about my problem I never discuss it, I still can’t talk
openly about it, it’s such a painful subject. My husband is amazing and it’s taken me years to even be able to open up to him ( that’s just how guarded I am ???? ???? )
Thank you for your blog ??
Thank you for sharing. I expect you’ve gone through your list of “friends” and unlisted the bully and anyone else you don’t need on your list. Glad to know you are at peace with your hair loss; so am I. About 30 years ago just after I’d lost enough hair to need a wig, one of my worst experiences was at the hands of a woman 10 years my junior in the washroom at work. She lectured me – in her opinion I didn’t need a wig because, surely, it was all in my head. I got so exasperated that I threatened to remove my wig to prove I needed one – she fled from the room. Afterwards we spoke only when work required us to and I decided not to care what others thought. Regards, Pam
I am sorry you have experienced this bullying in your adult life.
I lost all of my hair at the age of seven. I was bullied by boys up until I was in my teens. It has left mental scars however I got though it and I am proud of the person i have become too. I am now 70 years young. Oh and I draw on my eyebrows and wear false eyelashes and if an adult made nasty comments I too would be upset and very angry. Your the better person if you ignore them.
I agree with every thing you said,and wish you all the best,Sue,
I am sorry this happened to you.
It baffles me the rudeness of others. I tend to let it go when someone makes a remark about my ‘baldness’ because most of the time I don’t care and couldn’t be bothered. However, on those occasions when it feels like the beginning of my journey, I try to be as witty as possible and hopefully make them think twice before making a hurtful comment to me or anyone else for that matter.
Take care of yourself. It sounds as if you have an amazing support network.
P.S. You brows look amazing!!! I got mine microbladded two years ago because I could not recreate them for the life of me with a pencil.
hello, Steph
what a sad story.
I, too, lost all my hair, (breast cancer/masectomy) through chemo, radio therapy, etc etc.
Luckily, it has grown back, but I do still have a couple of bald areas, which, luckily, I can cover over with my longish hair !!!
although, I must say, I still wear wigs.
Luckily I have not had any adverse comments , but, you are a lot younger than me – after having cancer, I found I just do not care about too much nowadays – life is too short.
so, enjoy your life while you are young – and leave these so-called friends where they belong – because, believe me, time goes so quickly !!
maybe one answer is just not to have facebook accounts, etc. after all, we managed without it and I find it (being elderly) very strange that lots of people want to “bare all”. not, for one minute suggesting you do ….
xx pam