So, this is the thing we all worry about, n’est pas?

The Reactions to Alopecia and Wigs

Will people realise I’m wearing a wig? Will they think I look weird without it?
And what about meeting a new partner – will anyone fancy me?
Well I’m here to say that it’s never as bad as you fear!

Now, obviously I lost my hair as a young child (I was 6), so I didn’t have to explain to anyone that I was going bald as it was obvious. At that age I think kids take it all in their stride, so I didn’t really get teased at all in the immediate aftermath of losing my hair. I did have an older boy try to tease me once when I was about 9 but he soon backed off when I gave as good as I got!

In my experience friends and family were always very supportive. As I’ve said in other posts my family were fantastic. They didn’t let me play the victim card, but they gave me robust practical and emotional help to make the transition to secondary school go smoothly.
My best friend throughout those early years was C, and she had a lovely irreverent approach – we’d giggle together on sleepovers about how in the dark we’d thought my wig (which was on the bedside table) was a furry beast about to pounce! She was a year above me at school, and looked after me on my first day (I changed school shortly after I lost my hair), introducing me to other kids in the playground. She also encouraged me to take my wig off to swim in the campsite pool when I went on holiday with her family as a teenager, I’d have been too shy to do so without her. At secondary school I also had close friends in S and J, who were similarly irreverent and enjoyed seeing what wig I would choose next – I always relied on them for moral support after a trip to the wig salon to change to a new style.

The one bad experience I did have was also as a teenager. I was walking through town one day and some boys yelled ‘it’s a WIG’ at me. I didn’t know them, and realised that the label at the back of my wig was sticking out so I chose to believe that that’s how they realised. The important thing was that I didn’t torture myself about my wig looking fake, I put it down to the sticking out label (which I then cut out to avoid a repeat) and moved on.

I think that choosing to not allow negative
thinking to take over is so important;

I consciously avoid thinking ‘they’re talking about me’, ‘I look weird’ etc. It’s a useful life skill in general – akin to the ‘positive visualisation’ techniques athletes use before competing and which I’ve always employed before exams and job interviews. It’s served me well and I thoroughly recommend it – it takes time to shift your thought patterns but it’s worth practising.

The thing which always bothered me was the question of boyfriends – how would anyone ever fancy me? Teenage boys are surprisingly delicate little souls and are terrified of their mates thinking they’re weird, so what were the chances of one of them wanting to go out with the bald girl? Well, I didn’t have many boyfriends early on but from 16 onwards I’ve never been without a boyfriend except when I wanted to be single. I can honestly say that I’ve always been upfront with guys about my wig, and that it has never been a problem. Timing it is the tricky thing, and I generally found that mentioning it before the first kiss was best, as otherwise I was too busy worrying about my wig being obvious if he put his hand to my neck that I didn’t relax! I have also taken the view that any guy shallow enough to be put off by learning that I wear a wig is never going to be someone I want to spend time with, so I think it acts as a useful filter to weed out the bad ‘uns.

I’d be really interested to hear about your experiences – have you had good support or have you had a harder path to tread? Do let me know, and if you’re struggling don’t forget that the lovely people over at Alopecia UK are there to help.

Love Lizzie
xx