I will never forget, many years ago now, the first time when running my fingers through my tresses, I was confronted by a bundle of loose hair. I felt sick to my stomach and a wave of panic and disbelief swept over me. I used to have dreams as a child about waking up and finding all my teeth had fallen out but always, after a quick check with my tongue, I would be relieved to confirm they were all still present. This though was a bad dream I was not going to wake up from.
It can’t be happening
It can’t be happening. That was my first thought. Until the terrible truth was confirmed by a second sweep of the fingers. I remember visiting my GP who seemed sceptical until I repeated my party trick combined with a very loud “LOOK”!!!! And so began my roller coaster relationship with hair loss.
Why the big deal?
What is it about our hair that produces such a strong reaction, not only from ourselves but from others, when we become bereft of it? Like it or not, our hair, especially with regard to women, is considered part of what makes us attractive. What needs to be understood is that it is just that, only a ‘part’ of an accumulation of physical and personality traits that make us who we are. Stating the obvious you say, but for many of those who seldom have exposure to hair loss, whether through personal experience or that of a friend or loved one, it seems to be a hurdle they find difficult to jump before they can move onto our numerous attributes and so accept us for who we are as a person.
Perhaps people aren’t as ‘bovvered’ as we think
We have to be fair and accept that for those who are uninitiated, thinning, patchy or even no hair can take them aback but like anything new to the eye, it is surprising how quickly they stop concentrating on what is different and eventually they don’t notice it at all.
Thanks to the various forms of media that are available and viewed, many are now more accustomed to the sight of men and women without hair. They feel less awkward. Those in the public eye who have been willing to discuss and reveal their own hair loss due to the results of medical conditions have gone a long way towards adding improved awareness.
I find people can often surprise me when confronted with another person’s hair loss and have come to realise I was contributing to my feelings of vulnerability and insecurity by presuming the attitudes and reactions of others.
No need to apologise
Frankness about hair loss is still needed as well as a refusal to be compartmentalised. This will not only continue to enable many who are affected to know they are not in the minority or alone but for those not affected to accept it simply as a condition like any other.
We don’t have to apologise or feel we need to announce: “Brace yourself”! if we decide to reveal our barnet, (or lack of it), to someone for the first time. Any more so than when revealing any other part of our body!
We need to remember
Hair loss should never make us feel ashamed or embarrassed. It is a condition. It is upsetting and for some traumatic, but we must never allow ourselves to feel lacking or incomplete.
I would never say that I am always totally happy and resigned to my hair loss. Most of the time I don’t even think about it but there are times when it can overwhelm me.
That is when I have to learn to accept the condition again and as a result, my positivity returns.
~ but that is a subject for another article.
Comments (20)
Traumatic though it has been to lose my hair, considering everything else that has happened to me, it’s not that big a deal. Don’t get me wrong, part of me would still love to wake up in the morning with a full head of hair!
What has been interesting is the amount of pity it has generated and well meaning but tactless comments from those who know me!
I look in the mirror every morning and watch the transformation as I put on my wig (which still surprises me a couple of months on!) but while it changes my look, it slightly annoys me that to some it makes me ‘acceptable’ and to others the fact that I have to wear it makes me someone to sympathise with “you’re such an amazing person” or, “you are so brave” Well, yes, but not because I’ve lost my hair! If I could have my hair back or my close family members that I have lost, really, what would I choose?
While hair loss has been unwanted, I have found positive things through the journey and I am now much more sure of myself than before. I worry much less about things that I can’t directly influence and concentrate on doing what I can, in the best way I can.
Above all, hair is just hair, I’m thankful to be (basically) healthy.
And wearing a wig is nowhere near as bad as I feared. 🙂
Thank you, Pami. You have to laugh – and stay away from monkeys and fairground rides! ? F x
Frankie I loved reading this. Your ‘2 people’ comment is just how I feel. Attractive and good for my age by day and then quite different when I get home. Strange thing is even if my hair all grew back I would still wear my lovely Jon Renau wigs as they are so part of me now. It would just be nice to have the choice!! Thank you for your comments, cheered ne up no end as I was having a ‘bad hair thoughts day’. x
I find it really heart warming to hear from people who are accepted and content with their situation.
My hair started to get thin on top at puberty. My mother took me to see our GP. He gave me a horrible, greasy cream to apply, which did no good and made it look ten times worse! I had to put up with taunts of “Kojak” from fellow pupils at school, strangers and even family members! I struggled through my teens and my GP told me to stop worrying about it. After leaving school, I was referred to a Dermatologist, who sent me for ultraviolet treatment. This involved having an sun lamp directly over my head! The skin on my scalp peeled off in one plaque, which looked horrendous! I was studying at the time and it free even more attention to my thinning hair. I decided not to go back!
At 22yrs, I met the man of my dreams (I was wearing a hat at the time!). I asked him if he would still want to be with me if I had to wear a wig. To my absolute horror, he said, ” I would, seriously, have to think about that”. My heart broke. He started finding excuses not to meet up with me and found someone else! Perhaps, that was a lucky escape!
At the age of 32yrs, I was working as a healthcare professional. I was sick of people talking to the top of my head, or pitying, saying, ” Is there NOTHING that they can do about your hair?”.
Again, I got a referral to a Dermatologist. This man told me that I had Androgenic alopecia and nothing could be done about it! He said that he didn’t know what I was bothered about. After all, her wasn’t much older than me – and going bald – and it didn’t bother him!!! My disgusted eyes met those of his female registrar! They left the room.
A few minutes later the registrar returned and offered me the opportunity to get annual NHS prescriptions for wigs. Hallelujah!
My first wigs (I got 2 per year) looked like amorphous cow Pat’s on the top of my head! One of the consultants I worked with said, ” I like the new rug!”. A bit of a backhanded compliment but, at least, he said that he liked it!
Other people never commented (good, or bad)!
My hairdresser retired and was replaced by a more supportive one. She suggested that, as I worked in the public eye, I should request more wigs and she would support my request.
I did and, surprisingly, my quota was increased to 4 per year.
I can, now, select wigs from the Simply Wigs range and my hairdresser orders them. I, also, save up to buy wigs myself, to try different looks/for special occasions.
As far as I’m aware, apart from people who knew me ‘pre-wig’, no one seems to notice. I feel like two different people, though.
During the day, I am young- looking and attractive (for my age)!
At the end of the day, the wig comes off and I look, at least, 15yrs older. My own hair is going white and is extremely thin, especially, on top!
I did have a partner for 15yrs, until I found out that he had started being unfaithful. A few of the other women were hairdressers (ouch)!
So, now, I am on my own, again. I tried an online dating site. The first man, who contacted me, said that he had done so because of my lovely hair and youthful looks!!!!
I never met that man and decided that I would rather meet someone, who wanted me for who I am and not what I look like – or not bother!
If people compliment me on my lovely hair (wig), or youthful looks, I take it!!! Once, upon a time, I only got insults. I’m not the most confident of people – still. I’m okay on my own. Especially, when I see people in bad relationships, I’m thankful that that’s not me!
I can walk with my head held high and don’t care what anyone thinks of my hair, as a priority, when I go out. I’ve discovered Simply ‘Wonderful’ Wigs!
I’m in the same situation, over 70 and my hairline has moved back over an inch all round – the fringe has been coming from further and further back! I decided to become a wiggie but find it very difficult to choose something appropriate. My first purchase from a local wig shop looks fine, but I feel it isn’t really ME, and instead of giving me confidence, I feel I need to summon confidence to wear it. My first purchase from Simply Wigs is Jazz O’solite which I feel makes my head look too big and I’m not finding comfortable. Which wig did you go for first.
I feel for you no one really understands unless they suddenly get alopetia I keep getting the message that simply wigs saved there lives by giving them support and help with picking the right wig.
But as I have a petite head how do I pick the right wig for me also I am not good with sorting my. Hair out so if I picked and ordered. on line what do I do when it comes through the post.
Help
I agree – you can go on for ages and ages denying the hair loss but losing more and more confidence .
It’s a huge relief when you finally take the plunge . Very few people really noticed and those that did just said how nice my hair was looking . Being blanked in the street by strangers is so good because it indicates that you just look normal .
Escribo desde España y cuando descubrí Simply hace unos años mi vida mejoró.
Llevo 25 años con alopecia y este artículo me confronta con mi realidad de ayer, de hoy y probablemente de mañana. Se vive con alopecia pero se pierden cosas importantes por el camino. La baja autoestima y a veces la incomprensión ajena te lastiman Y la importancia tan grande que se da a la imagen exterior en la socidad no ayudan a superar bien esta situación.
Suerte que con los años todo fue mejorando. Gracias a compartir el problema con otras personas y a tener Simplywigs en mi vida, hace que me sienta más yo misma. Enhorabuena por el artículo y a Simplywigs por existir.
I write from Spain and when I discovered Simply a few years ago my life improved.
I have been with alopecia for 25 years and this article confronts me with my reality of yesterday, today and probably tomorrow. You live with alopecia but important things are lost along the way. The low self-esteem and sometimes the misunderstanding of others hurt you And the great importance given to the external image in society does not help to overcome this situation well.
Luck that over the years everything was improving. Thanks to sharing the problem with other people and having Simplywigs in my life, it makes me feel more myself. Congratulations on the article and Simplywigs for existing.
I’m with you when it comes to carrying a handy hat, especially on extremely windy days! Px
I’ve suffered gradual hair loss since I was a teenager after my Father died suddenly. It wasn’t really noticeable for a number of years. But by the time I reached my mid sixties I found it harder to conceal until it became impossible. So I took the plunge and bought my first wig!! Never looked back, no more bad hair days!! Best thing I ever did I should have done it sooner.
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