Having no hair only added to the reasons he loved me

Having no hair only added to the reasons he loved me

We met on a frosty Dublin New Year’s Day afternoon, some eight weeks after we had started exchanging messages and chatting on the phone. The spooky part was that neither of us felt as if we were meeting for the first time, which we would disclose to each other later. It had been a short flight to Ireland, but the journey to this point had taken a very long time, for me.

I had been single for some eight years, having come out of a toxic twelve-year relationship that had left me with very little self-confidence. And, as my health struggled, I started to have hospital infusions that accelerated my hair loss (a subject I’ve written about previously, on this site). Shortly after the split, I had then lost both my mother and stepfather, the stress of which didn’t help the autoimmune conditions I was already struggling with. Honestly, even thinking about a new relationship was the very last thing on my mind for a long time. So, I concentrated on rebuilding my life, my work, my home and my self-esteem. It took the whole of those eight years to do it. And still, when the time came to decide whether I might be ready to dip my toe in the water, to think about sharing my life with another, I still wasn’t sure I could manage it. Being disabled, and not being in the position where I came into contact with people at work, I knew the only way I was going to find out for sure was by joining an online dating site. That was a whole experience in itself.

By this time, I had been wearing wigs for some six months. I was still finding my way around the practicalities of wig-wearing, and there were still days where depression affected my day-to-day life – but it was slowly easing. I left the house wearing the hair that I had spent years longing for, and I learned the forgotten pleasure of having a social life, of accepting invitations instead of instantly turning them down, of smiling and laughing. And I knew I was ready. Steve and I spotted each other’s online profiles online, and started to exchange messages, which progressed to texts, which progressed to phone calls, which led to agreeing to meet on New Year’s Day in Dublin.

As we sat opposite each other, sipping what was probably our fifth cup of tea in the coffee shop, holding hands across the table and talking non-stop, the realisation that I was wearing a wig didn’t even occur to me. I really liked this guy. But my flight back to Wales was due to leave in a couple of hours. It was time to leave.

“We walked to the car park, and we kissed goodbye. As we embraced, Steve touched my hair, and I was instantly filled with panic. I had to confess before he found out for himself.
Would he be freaked out by it?
Would he run for the hills?
I had no choice but to tell him – now.
It’s a wig. I lost my hair,’ I blurted out as he looked at me.
‘It really suits you,’ he said, ‘frames your beautiful face perfectly.’
And though my eyes filled with tears, they were no longer tears of pain, but of relief.

Two weeks later, back in Wales, I removed my wig in the car, as he was leaving for home after our third date. He didn’t flinch. Instead, he touched my scalp and insisted that having no hair only added to the reasons he loved me. There it was, love – the feeling I never thought I would share with someone, again.

As our relationship blossomed, we moved in together and I would meet Steve’s two beautiful young children from his previous relationship, a girl and a boy, who at the time were aged just five and eight. We talked to them about my hair loss early on, and they simply accepted it as young children accept everything that is explained gently by people who love them. There were questions, and those questions were answered honestly and in a way, they could understand. I let them see my collection of wigs after they insisted, and we had lots of fun trying them on. When the children are with us, these days, they just accept that Jayney wanders around the house with no hair, and they give me the best advice on what hair goes with what outfit – believe me, if they don’t think a wig suits me, they will be very forthright on their feedback.

Steve and I married on New-Year’s-Eve, two years later – in a wig chosen by my two beautiful stepchildren.

Love from, Jane x

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Comments

5 thoughts on “Having no hair only added to the reasons he loved me

  1. I am so happy for you you’ve certainly been on a journey. You look radiant and your hair so natural. I am looking for a similar look can you tell me which wig it is please? I lost all my hair due to stress three years and the pain is a raw now as it has always been. I wish you well xxx

  2. What a beautiful story. Good luck Jane from a fellow wig wearer. We are special,embrace it.Lynne

  3. Wow…what a beautiful message..so moving and loving
    What a lovely man too…you look fabulous in your wig..you would never know..
    I’m so pleased for you all..
    You look amazing and very happy..
    Love to you all..?

  4. Beautifully written! Such a positive attitude but yet acknowledges the ‘issues’ regarding hair loss and a new partner. If it is the right person then your hair loss is irrelevant. All good wishes to you and… Dublin is a very romantic place.


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