When someone you are close to or care for develops cancer, you will be wondering what you can do to help them and make their struggles easier. There are a variety of ways to support someone with cancer, all of which will make a world of difference for a loved one.
In this article, we’ll discuss how to help someone with cancer so you know you are doing all you can to be there for your friend or family member during this difficult time.
What to Say to Someone Who Has Cancer
At first, it can be difficult to know what to say when someone gets cancer. However, communicating that you are there for them can be enough. It’s important to remember here that everyone’s experience with cancer is different, and responses to a diagnosis can vary massively.
The best advice we can give is to talk to your loved one the way you have always loved talking together, but if you’re struggling, here are some examples of things you can say (and avoiding saying) to your loved one.
Ideas of what to say to someone who has cancer:
OFFER SUPPORT – “If there’s anything you need, I’m here.” – When it comes to what to say to someone going through chemo treatments, showing that you’re there to help them is the most vital thing to keep in mind.
OFFER EMPATY – “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I want you to know you’re not alone.” – If your loved one starts to cry, you can communicate that you are there for them or simply offer a personal touch of a hand if they need it.
OFFER BALANCE AND NORMALITY – “How has your day been.” – It’s really important to talk about things other than the cancer. Ask about your loved one’s day, what television show they are watching, or share a joke you recently heard if it’s appropriate. Additionally, after having a hard conversation about feelings, you may schedule to do an enjoyable activity like going for a walk.
OFFER SPACE – “I understand if you don’t feel like talking right now, but know you can talk to me whenever you’re ready.” – It’s critical to understand how the other person is feeling, especially as not knowing can lead to tension and other difficulties. Try to be understanding and offer them time to themselves if they require it.
What not to say to someone going through chemo treatments:
COMPARE THE SITUATION TO OTHERS – “My friend had chemo treatment and they were amazing through it.” – Every person’s experience of cancer is different, so it may not be worth talking about someone else’s story unless directly asked.
PRESSURE YOUR LOVED ONE TO TALK – “You need to get it all out and talk about this.“ – Never pressure your loved one to talk if they don’t want to. Sometimes, they may be too tired to talk or simply won’t want to. Both diagnosis and treatment take a massive psychological and physical toll. If you want to talk but they don’t, you could access your own support through an online community or another loved one.
OFFER DISMISSIVE OR OVERLY OPTIMISTIC STATEMENTS – “It’ll all work out – you’ll be fine.“ – It is worth talking honestly to each other instead of encouraging a forced positivity. Forced optimism may make your loved one feel worse about their situation, or make them feel like they can’t be open with you.
Other Ways to Support Someone with Cancer
1. Learn about the diagnosis
The first way to be supportive of someone with cancer is to learn about an individual’s illness, as this is extremely important in being able to offer them the right support. Find out any information you can from them, but if they don’t want to talk about it and repeat the same information to everyone they see, try asking someone close to them who may have the details you need.
Once you know a little more information about their cancer, you can then do some research to understand as much as possible about what they are going through and what they have ahead of them. From this, you can picture a day in the life of their illness, and better understand the support they want and need.
Note: remember not to force this knowledge on your loved one; their experience of their own illness is more important than what you might have learned in your research.
2. Understand the emotions your loved one may feel
You may notice your loved one experiencing a range of different moods throughout the process, including when they have just found out they have cancer. Let’s discuss the most common moods and how you can react to them.
Anger – “I understand you’re frustrated right now. I’m here to listen if you want to vent.” – Anger can stem from feelings of helplessness and injustice. To address this, let your loved one know that you understand their frustration and allow them to express their emotions fully. If their anger is directed at you, you can choose to step away from the situation to give you both some space.
Sadness – “I can see how hard this must be for you.” – Sadness can be triggered by factors like lifestyle or physical changes, occurring at any stage in the process. Focus on empathy and don’t try to cheer your loved one up with dismissive statements.
Fear – “I know it might be hard to talk about, but you can share your fears with me if you need to.” – Your loved one may experience fear from uncertainty about the future. Give them space to talk about their fear, support them emotionally, and try to offer reassurance without minimising their feelings.
Greif – “I know this is a lot to process. I’m here to listen whenever you need to talk about how you’re feeling.” – Grief is a common response to a cancer diagnosis, with the patient potentially mourning the loss of the future as they once imagined it. Remember not to rush your loved one through their grief with overly optimistic statements.
Dark humour – “Whatever helps you get through this, I’m all for it.” – Some people may use humour to help them cope with the stress of a cancer diagnosis. While this may be uncomfortable to you, remember not to react with shock or disapproval.
3. Offer practical help
When learning what to say to someone going through chemo treatments, it can be good to offer help with small daily tasks. Things such as food shopping and collecting kids from school can really take some of the pressure off.
A lot of people find it hard to ask for help, so offering to do so is likely to be welcomed with open arms. It’s important not to be too pushy with this, though – people who have cancer can feel fed up with not having as much energy as they used to, so it’s important not to make them feel incompetent.
Additionally, be aware of not overstepping, especially if your loved one is struggling – you can offer to help without being in their space. For example, you could offer to clean their house while they’re out at chemo so they come home to a fresh space, or drop meals on their doorstep. While the person is coming to terms with their diagnosis and any lifestyle changes, they may not always wish to be around other people, but small acts can make sure they don’t feel forgotten or unloved.
4. Be a good listener
Sometimes, everyone needs a good listener. In order to know what to say when someone gets cancer, you should first listen to your loved one’s needs. This can help guide the conversation as well as help you offer better emotional support.
You can start to be a good listener by:
– Allowing your loved one to guide the conversation with what they want to talk about
– Giving your loved one your full attention with eye contact and appropriate gestures
– Talking in a relaxed and private environment to minimise distractions and disturbances
– Repeat parts of what your loved one says to ensure you have understood
5. Ask permission before visits
As a carer or friend, all you want to do is help and be able to make life easier for your friend. However, there will be some, or sometimes many, days that they will want to be alone and not fussed over. If you reach out to them and don’t hear back, don’t be offended. Equally, know when to leave when you do visit; it’s important not to overstay your welcome.
6. Offer continuous support
The journey often gets harder after the initial diagnosis, so they will need your support throughout. If your friend undergoes chemotherapy, they are likely to experience changes to their appearance, particularly through hair loss.
It’s good to prepare yourself and your friend for this outcome. Don’t appear shocked at any changes to their appearance, and instead greet them as normal. If they are feeling particularly down or upset about changes in their appearance and feel that growing their hair after chemo isn’t yet feasible, reassure them that it’s okay and they still look lovely.
7. Help support your loved one’s hair loss
If your loved one is devastated by their hair loss, perhaps suggest the idea of looking into wig options. There are many different chemo wigs and headwear options available that are wonderfully natural, great at restoring confidence, and offer comfort for cancer patients.
At our shop, we have some beautiful fitting rooms for individuals to be able to come and try on wigs to find the perfect wig for them. Make an appointment or look into our wig bank today if your loved one would like to try this option.
You can also suggest your loved one join our community, where all our wonderful wig-wearers talk about their journeys through cancer and treatment. Take a look at some of the latest cancer-related stories below.
Have a Question About How to Best Support Someone with Cancer?
Knowing how to support someone with cancer will make the process easier and more beneficial to the individual you are helping. But it’s important to understand that each person and each illness is different. Just offering support to your friend or family member will make a huge difference.
If you have a question about how to support someone with cancer in your family, don’t hesitate to contact us. You can also keep up to date with our blog, which is full of free guides on hair loss support, from our guide to headwear to the best wigs for cancer patients.
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THE AUTHOR
My name is Becca, and I am the proud manager of the Customer Services team. I am dedicated to ensuring that every customer finds their perfect style and feels confident in their new look.
I will never forget the feeling of relief and comfort that my wig gave me, from the moment I had it fitted ,suddenly I looked more like me ! Even though my lovely son had said it didn’t matter that I had lost my hair “youre still my mum” he said.
Another great moment to recommend was the feel good look good make up session, I made good use of the wonderful products every day. I would sit up in bed with the mirror propped on my knees so that I could still get made up every day. The session was at Lincoln county hospital.
Remember not to take over , please try your best to listen, even if the person has asked the same question a good few times.. There world has been turned up side down., and they are looking for answers